Crayons and Insanity
by Muffyn1
Summary: Willow went insane after the events of "Grave". With the help of Giles and the Devon coven, she's better, now, but she's still not really all there. And with whatever evil Sunnydale's got in store, things could get, well, insane. Written because this site just doesn't have enough Willow angst (note the sarcasm). S7 AU.
1. Chapter 1

"It can't. Stop! Stop! You can't…I can't!" Giles listened from the hallway as Willow mumbled incoherently to herself. He entered the room slowly and quickly located the witch huddled in an otherwise empty corner of the room.

"It's here all the time. Won't go...won't go…" She was clawing at her knuckles, which were already bleeding. Giles hurried over to her.

"Willow…" He grabbed her wrists and tried to hold them apart, "Willow, please stop doing that. You're hurting yourself."

"It's in my fingers. 'We always touch digits! It's a friend thing!' He said. They're are always tingling with power. It's in my fingers. Can't count the digits. 31415926535…"

Willow struggled against his grip on her wrists and Giles looked helplessly into her vacant eyes.

"I have to get it out…have to get out...won't go...can't go…" Giles lightly pinched her arm, thankful when Willow seemed to snap out of it, "W-wha? I can't...Giles? I…"

"Are you okay?" Giles asked.

Trembling, Willow nodded slowly.

Giles stared at her, concerned. He lightly held one of Willow's hands. Reaching into his shirt pocket, he drew out a handkerchief, which he used to carefully dab at the wound.

Staring at her hand, Willow said, "Did I do that?"

Giles didn't look up, "Yes."

"I don't remember."

"I know."

Willow let him clean off her bloodied knuckles. "I'm getting better, aren't I? Aren't I supposed to be getting better? Miss Harkness said…"

"You _are_ getting better, Willow." Giles said, "You came out of it quickly, and it's been almost two weeks."

"And now we're back at zero…"

"Willow, it doesn't work like that. It will happen less and less frequently until it stops all together." Giles explained.

"And when will that be, Giles? Am I always gonna have to worry about relapsing? Even in ten, twenty years?" Willow looked at him in the eyes, daring him to lie to her.

"Willow," Giles cautioned, "you're getting better. Just continue to focus on controlling the forces inside of you-"

Willow scoffed, "'The forces inside of me'. Right. Because you're watcher guy. You only do the magick stuff, right? Giles, you know this has nothing to do with 'the forces inside of me'." She mimicked again.

"Althenea didn't say that."

"Yes, she did. But you probably weren't listening. Just watching, being a watcher and everything." She looked away from him, now, "I'm nuts."

Giles brushed a tear from her cheek, "You're not nuts, Willow. I promise you, you're getting better. Miss Harkness agrees."

"Okay." Willow smiled sadly before asking, "Giles, what time is it?"

Glancing at his watch, Giles replied, "Three forty-five." Upon seeing Willow's surprised face, he asked, "How long did it last?"

"Last time I can remember checking the time, it was three seventeen, so...I think about twenty-five minutes."

Giles squeezed her shoulder, "See? You're getting better. The last one lasted over an hour."

Willow smiled, "I know."

"And, Willow," Giles said, "I'm not your watcher. I'm not paid to care about you. I care about you because you deserve to be cared about."

"But Buffy…"

"I care about Buffy, too. I care about all of you, but the others don't need me right now. You do. I just want you to stop acting like taking care of you is my...my obligation. I want you to get better, too, Willow."

"Okay." Willow conceded in a small voice.

"I had just been coming to tell you that Miss Harkness wants to meet with you in about half an hour. Do you... Do you want me to tell her about what happened?"

"No." Willow resolved, "I'll tell her. I think she wants that."


	2. Chapter 2

**I honestly don't do a lot of AU stories ever, so I wasn't exactly sure how to do this one. Much of S7, including "Same Time, Same Place", COULD have happened, but I'm just pretending it didn't because it isn't important to this story in particular, and I don't like stories that just rewrite actual episodes with only slight changes. I'll be skipping whatever parts of S7 don't matter, and if I don't write them or mention them you're to assume they didn't happen. Enjoy!**

It's two months later.

"Are you ready?" Giles asked the witch sitting next to him in the grass.

"No." She said, "But...I won't ever be ready, will I? And if they need me… Do you think I'm ready?"

"I do." Giles looked at her seriously, "But, Willow, being back on the Hellmouth...the energies there can overwhelm you. I just want you to be prepared-"

"Don't worry, Giles. It's all connected, remember? I feel the whole Earth all the time. Sunnydale is always the strongest."

Giles nodded, "Okay, Willow. Just remember your meditation if it gets too hard for you."

"Giles...what if I...y'know…"

"Willow, you haven't had an episode in five weeks. Althenea says it's likely that you'll never have one again."

Willow frowned, "She doesn't know that."

"None of us know anything, Willow. A witch with your amount of power is extremely rare. It used to be that they were simply killed. Helping you, we are all treading new ground here."

"No, Giles. You've dealt with this before." She said, "Not the magick. The guilt and the grief…"

"All I'm saying is that your situation is unique, Willow. We aren't sure what will happen, exactly, but would we really be sending you back if we were afraid you were going to have another psychotic break?"

"I guess not." Willow sighed, "And what if I snap? It still almost gets me whenever I do even simple spells, and, like you said, the energy from the Hellmouth could…" She trailed off.

"The same goes, Willow. The coven and I are all confident that you can control your powers." Giles smiled proudly at her, "But I'll be sending you back with some...precautionary things to give to Buffy. Just in case."

Knowing what those 'precautionary things' were, Willow shuddered, "Oh."

"But, Willow, if we are right, then Buffy will likely never have to use them." He stood up and held out a hand for Willow, "So, are you ready?"

Taking his hand, Willow replied, "As I'll ever be, I guess."

Willow grabbed her luggage from beside the tree and they headed for the airport.

-x-

"Did you talk to Giles, Buffy?" Dawn asked, standing with her and Xander in Sunnydale airport.

"Yeah. But he still didn't tell me much. He kept his stuffy British mouth shut about everything that was going on with Will in England, and now all he told me was that she's coming back. He really skimped on the details." Buffy answered.

"He didn't say anything about her going, I dunno, evil again, did he?" Asked Xander.

"No."

"Then we probably don't have to worry about it." Xander smiled and held up the yellow sign he'd made for Willow's return to Sunnydale."

"He just said to look out for her." Buffy continued, "He sounded pretty confident that she can control herself now, so I thi-"

Dawn and Xander's faces lit up and Buffy turned around to see Willow approaching them.

"Wills!" Xander said as they all exchanged hugs, "Didja see my sign?"

"I like it." Willow said, "I mean, it has sentimental value, y'know?"

"That's exactly what I was trying to tell these two young ladies!" Xander gestured to Buffy and Dawn, who had both earlier questioned the unreadable color of the sign.

"So, how are you, Will?" Buffy asked.

"Uh…" Willow didn't answer, and an awkward quiet settled over the group.

"You know, you're probably tired." Buffy smiled.

"Yeah. Long flight." Willow agreed, "Let's go back home. I've been missing the Summers residence." She hadn't been.

"Oh yeah!" Said Xander, "Let's go! Buffy made cupcakes."

"Actually, she bought them. I went with her to the store." Dawn said.

"Oh! Buffy," Willow reached into her carry-on and clutched the small pouch Giles had given her in the airport in England, which was full of 'precautionary things'.

"Yeah, Will?" Buffy asked when she didn't continue.

Thinking for a moment, Willow let her hand slide off of the pouch and exit the bag, empty. "Uh...nothing. So let's go! Cupcakes!"

They headed toward the airport's exit as Buffy, Dawn, and Xander shared a concerned look.


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm only posting this because I feel bad for making you guys wait, because I'm sure this fic is just so awesome that you don't wanna wait anymore, right? This chapter sucks, though, so I may end up revising/completely replacing it in the future. Or I may not, who knows? Also, I swear this fic will NOT be Willow-centric for long. It's gonna be everyone-centric. Just not yet. Anyways, enjoy!**

Buffy was out slaying, except there was nothing to slay. It was one of _those_ nights, she thought, and _those_ nights were the worst. Mr. Pointy remained untouched by any of the bloodsucking fiends that normally roamed the Sunnydale graveyards, and, had the stake the ability to, would probably be getting just as restless as the slayer was.

Buffy wandered over to a small gravestone and sat down on it, thinking. Willow had arrived two weeks ago, and Buffy was glad that she seemed almost fine. Buffy hadn't been able to see Willow after that whole veiny mess (which is what Buffy continued to call it in her head despite how disgusting it sounds). On that day, Xander had taken Willow back to the Magic Box, but Buffy and Dawn had gone home. Then Giles had taken Willow to Xander's house alone and Xander stayed at Buffy's. Buffy recalled asking Giles if she could come and see Willow, but he'd refused, and, not quite yet forgetting what had happened when Giles had abandoned the Scoobies, Buffy felt inclined to obey him.

All of a sudden, a force on her back pushed her off the gravestone and out of her thoughts. She landed on her feet and whirled around, punching her attacker in the face.

-x-

"So, then he called on _me_, but obviously I had no idea what the answer was - 'cause dude! - who even knows what Kinetic Molecular Theory is? When am I gonna need that in real life? So, anyway…" Dawn rambled about her day at school. Willow was only kind of listening.

"That's awesome, Dawnie." Willow said as she fiddled with her pasta.

"You aren't even listening. Or eating your pasta. What's up? Do you have a big exam coming up or something? I know how you get with that stuff."

Willow shook her head. "I just...I feel kinda bleh. I think I'm gonna go to bed."

Dawn frowned and sighed. Willow had seemed okay since she returned from England. She was acting strange tonight and Dawn didn't like it. "Fine. Goodnight, Willow."

-x-

Grunting unnecessarily with every thrust of her fists, Buffy skillfully beat the vampire into a bloody pulp. Staking him, she was surprised as another vampire grabbed her shoulder, taking no time to punch the slayer in the face.

Tasting blood in her mouth, Buffy grabbed the vampire's hair and kneed her in the gut. Buffy then proceeded to whip out Mr. Pointy and prepared to stake the vampire, but the seemingly down vamp caught Buffy's legs in between her own, twisting them and causing the slayer to fall and wince at the sudden pain in her ankle. Buffy curled up and headbutted the vampire, finally able to get her stake through the demon's heart and turning it to dust..

-x-

Willow paced in her room, feeling oddly restless. Her thoughts were racing. She was thinking about things she didn't even think she had to think about: School, Dawn's school, Dawn's story about school, Buffy, Xander, Anya, magick, _Tara_.

She felt hot and dizzy and she grabbed her head and backed into the wall.

-x-

Quietly unlocking the door, Buffy limped inside, her ankle still bothering her, and jumped in surprise upon seeing Dawn on the couch, watching TV.

"Dawn! Why are you still up?"

"Oh," Dawn shrugged, "I guess I didn't realize how late was." She noticed Buffy's awkward stance, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Vamp twisted my ankle. I'll be fine. Off to bed, now." Buffy ordered, "Where's Willow?"

"Sleeping." Dawn said, "Or maybe writing horny fanfiction on her laptop. I guess we'll never know." She giggled and then cleared her throat, "Uh, she seemed kinda out of it. She said she wasn't feeling well."

"I'll go check on her. You go to bed."

Buffy climbed the stairs and approached the room that was once her mother's and was now Willow's. Putting her hand on the doorknob, she froze when she heard something:

"Please please please keep it away from me. It's bad, bad. I tried to tell them but they won't let me stop. It's bad, I'm bad…"

Opening the door, Buffy heard Willow gasp. She found the hacker sitting in a corner of the room, shaking and looking at her, "Buffy?"

"Will...Are you okay?" Buffy asked.

"Y-yeah. Why?"

"I thought I heard…" Tired, Buffy decided to let Willow off the hook for now, "What are you doing? Dawn said you weren't feeling well."

"I was...meditating. You just sorta...shocked me out of it. That's all." Willow was somewhat proud of herself from thinking up a lie that quickly.

Buffy nodded suspiciously, "Oh. Go to sleep, okay? You look all shaky. I hope you're not getting sick."

"Okay, Buffy. Goodnight."

Buffy left to get ready for bed. As soon as the door shut again, Willow went straight for the phone. Dialing a number, she put it to her ear, time zones the least of her worries.

"Giles…"

**The horribleness of this chapter made me pay less attention when revising - please let me know if you found any errors!**


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